that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
