i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
