I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
third nipple confirmed
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
