Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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