dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
