He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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