Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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