No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
