He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
did i walk over a car last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
