even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
