I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
