I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
