Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
