After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
