I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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