Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
