The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have aggressive nipples.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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