That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
