i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
