Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
