So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
