im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
