I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
