would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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