You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize