the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Let's get the cat blown out
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
