white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
