I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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