Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
