We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
