I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
