i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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