What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
