i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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