New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
