Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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