Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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