I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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