woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
