How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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