using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
