i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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