Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
