Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
