I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
