I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
