Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
