I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
