so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
