I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The Olympian is in my bed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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