I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize