I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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