how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize