Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
