last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
