I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize