got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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