Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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