As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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