k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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