You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize