why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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