my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
