So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
