Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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