I just threw up on my dentist
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
