Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
