Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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